Smartest Man in the World
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.

The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."

Girl 1: I am in Love
Girl 2 : Who is he
Girl 3: how does he look
Girl 4: what color
Girl 5: how tall is he
Girl 6: what is he doing
Girl 7: who are his frnds
Girl 8: how rich is he
After full inspection
All girls: Be careful he might be a bad guy
Girl 1 : hmm.. Ok

Now same situation

Boy 1 : M in love
Boy 2 : party
Boy 3 : party
Boy 4 : party
Boy 5 : party
Boy 6 : party
:D :D :D :D

4 Stages of marriage:

Mad for each other.
Made for each other.
Mad at each other.
Mad bcoz of each other

Funny Oxymoron's:

(An oxymoron is usually defined as a phrase in which two words of contradictory meaning are brought together)

1) Clearly misunderstood
2) Exact Estimate
3) Small Crowd
4) Act Naturally
5) Found Missing
6) Fully Empty
7) Pretty ugly
8) Seriously funny
9) Only choice
10) Original copies
&
the Mother of all
11) Happily Married

Difference Between Complete n Finished

Some says there is No diff between complete n finished...
But, there is...!

When u marry with a Right Lady... U r complete!

And When u marry with a wrong lady... U r Finished!

But when your Right lady catches u with wrong lady... U r Completely Finished...!:)

Sari umar hum gali khake ji liye..
ek pal tho ab hume jine do jine do ,
na na na na.,pa pa pa pa.,na
na na na...ar pressure dio na...
give me some extra time...
give me some rest...
give me another chance....
2 get freedom once again..,

Santa got a new job in vodafone..

But See Santa again is so unfortunate here..

He was fired on the first day Because...!!!
...
1st caller- yaar mera vodafone ka sim nahi chal raha hai...

Santa- Arre tussi vi na.. to airtel ka le le..

Santa, his wife with son and daugher went to a party.. he introduced his family to his friends saying..” I am Santa.. and this is Santnee …this is my kid and that is my kidney…!!”‌

Teacher 2 Santa : Tum mein kuch kamiya hai.

Next day Santa coat pant pahen ke aata hai.

Teacher : what's this?
...
Santa : Raymond ...THE COMPLETE MAN..

Chuhe ne hathi se kaha I LOVE YOU

hathi bola- tujhe dar nahi lagta ?

chuha ganeshji ke photo dikha ke bola "TUJH ME RAB DIKHTA HAI YARA MAIN KYA KARU"

Boss: I'm giving u driver's job. Starting salary Rs. 3000, is it OK ?

Santa: U R great sir! Starting salary is Ok but how much is DRIVING salary?

Asli Engineers k dilo ki awaz:

Zindgi ka rukh mod denge
Sari bandishe tod denge,
Ye Semester
Jese-tese nikl jaye yaar
Nxt Sem me to sala pakka record tod denge!!!

"DEFINE GIRL"
the one who
before going out
puts on
eye shadow
eye liner
lipgloss
glitter
rouge
blush
kajal
&
asks:-
Mom
Natural to lag rahi hu na?

HUMAN falls in love, that's normal.... COWS eat grass, that's ok. BUT when.MONKEYS press mobile keypads!
INCREDIBLE.. STILL PRESSING! UNBELIEVABLE!..

MEDICAL QUESTION…..
Q: define “LOVE” nd describe in detail.(10 marks)

Definition:
A serious disorder of heart due 2 relationship between men&women dat cn sumtm cause death of 1 or both depending on d resistance associated

TYPES:
*1way &
*2way

Age-usually occurs in puberty bt nowdays cn b found in ny age grp

Sites affected-brain nd heart (affected ppl assume dat only heart is affected)

RISK FACTORS:
*teenagers,
*boys with out sisters,
*girls widout brothers
*hostel students.

ETIOLOGY:
*Timepass,
*desire to be loved,
*money&beauty.

SYMPTOMS:
*Tension,
*daydream,
*tachycardia,
*insomnia
*phone addict,
*no concentration

INVESTIGATION:
*diary
*album
*books
*mobile(most confirmatory)

TREATMENT:
*anti therapy by father or brother or mum’s chappal or broom..:-D

Are you lost? Because it’s so strange to see an angel so far from heaven.
Reply : How many times have you been to heaven, anyway?

Which side of the chicken has he most feathers?
The outside

Doctor, I can t stop behaving like a dog.
How long have you been acting this way?
Since I was a puppy!

10 ADVANTAGES OF NOT HAVING A “LOVER”…
1.SAVE TIME.
2. CAN SLEEP WELL.
3. DONT HAV 2 BOTHER ABT MISSED CALLS…
4. DONT HAV TO WORRY ABT HOW U LOOK…
5. CAN EAT IN ANY RESTAURANT…
6. NO BORING SMS IN THE MIDDLE OF NIGHT…
7. CAN TALK WITH ALL BOYS…
8. U WONT HEAR “AAW… U R DULL TODAY”.
9. CAN GO ANYWHERE WITH ANY ONE…
10. DONT HAV 2 LISTEN SAME OLD CRAP JOKES…?

BONUS: - U WILL LIVE A LONG LIFE…….
SO BE AWARE OF LOVER

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey.